2. What are Defence Mechanisms?
We all have ways of protecting ourselves from emotions that feel too uncomfortable or threatening to face. These automatic patterns, known as defence mechanisms, are unconscious psychological processes that reduce the anxiety that arises from feelings we struggle to face. We might deny a difficult truth, rationalise our actions to ease guilt, or use humour to hide sadness. Sometimes anger turns inward and becomes depression, or we project unwanted feelings onto others. In overwhelming or traumatic situations, defences such as dissociation can help us cope with distress that might otherwise feel unbearable. These patterns are not flaws or failures, they are strategies that once helped us survive. Over time, though, learning to recognise them with awareness becomes the beginning of real change.
Defence Work
The first step toward change is becoming aware of the patterns that block emotional truth. This awareness is not about judgment but curiosity. Therapists sometimes refer to this process as defence work, which means learning to notice how the mind protects us from emotional truth. When you notice yourself deflecting, explaining, blaming, or withdrawing, you begin to see the defence rather than be caught inside it.
Recognising the Defence – “Watch with Curiosity”
Start by recognising when a defence shows up. Notice moments when you suddenly feel detached, irritable, numb, or overly analytical. These can be signs that something deeper is being protected. Simply noticing this is an achievement in itself. Awareness is the hardest step because it breaks the automatic cycle. When you catch yourself avoiding, overthinking, or shutting down, take a moment to acknowledge it. You have already created a small space of choice. In that moment, you can either return to the familiar protection of the defence or turn inward with curiosity to explore what feeling might be waiting underneath.
Understanding Its Purpose – “Awareness Precedes Control”
Once you recognise that a defence is present, the next step is to understand what it is doing for you. Every defence has a purpose, even if it causes pain. You might ask yourself, What is this pattern trying to protect me from? or What emotion might feel too uncomfortable to experience right now? Perhaps humour keeps you from feeling sadness, or staying busy shields you from loneliness. When you begin to see the purpose behind the defence, it becomes easier to soften toward it rather than fight against it. Simply noticing how a defence pulls you away from your feelings is already progress. Awareness makes the automatic less automatic, and with that awareness comes choice. It is the choice to stay present and allow emotion to be felt rather than pushed away.
Understanding Its Consequences – “Seeing the Cost”
Every defence brings both comfort and cost. It may protect you from emotional pain in the short term but can create disconnection and suffering in the long term. When you begin to see how a defence contributes to anxiety, loneliness, or strain in your relationships, this insight can stir strong feelings such as sadness for the years spent repeating the pattern, anger at how it has limited you, or grief for the closeness that was lost. These feelings are not a setback but a sign of awakening. They mark the moment when awareness begins to transform into motivation for change.
Turning Against the Defence – “Choosing Truth will set you Free”
The final step is to stop siding with the defence and begin supporting the part of you that wants truth and connection. This does not mean forcing emotion or rejecting the mind’s attempts to protect you. It means choosing honesty over avoidance. Each time you notice a defence and decide to stay present, you strengthen your capacity to tolerate and express what you truly feel.
Although insight alone is not always enough. Even when you clearly see how a defence causes suffering, the mind may still try to pull you back toward the familiar. Thoughts of withdrawal, self-criticism, or procrastination may arise. These moments are tests of resolve, call to adventure, or invitations to choose what is real over what is safe. To turn against a defence means standing for truth each time it tries to lure you back.
This is not easy work. It takes patience, courage, and curiosity to face what was once avoided. Resistance is natural and does not mean failure. When it appears, simply notice it and return to honesty. As defences soften, the energy once spent on control and protection becomes available for life itself. You may find yourself feeling more alive, more connected, and more at peace.